Doesn't That Count for Anything with You?
by crazytook
Summary: Ianto asks Jack a simple question that makes Jack think about his relationships. Jack/Ianto So slash, if you have a problem with two men together, I suggest you watch a different show : Spoilers for all TW and DW. Rated only for language. Chap. 6 edited!
1. Jack

-1Author's note: Hey, I had some inspiration and absolutely had to type this up. It's a little…contemporary. I tried out a new kind of writing style and instead of angsting over whether or not the style was a good idea, I thought I'd get everyone's opinion. So please, please send feedback my way. I want to know if anyone likes the style I've tried out. Thanks guys!! And thanks for telling me about the underlining deal, I think I fixed it.

Disclaimer: no money. Seriously. Nada.

Jack sat alone in the hub at Torchwood. Running those same words through his head. Again.

"I miss them too" Ianto had said, and "Doesn't that count for anything with you?' Ianto had asked.

Jack had had no response at the time. So Ianto had left. And in his wake, Jack was reminded of a current American slang word. A word that, strangely enough, just seemed to _fit _ the situation. And Jack realized why he'd had no answer for Ianto. Because how do you tell somebody that the reason you are being a douche is to protect yourself? How do you tell yourself for that matter? Jack feared many things, getting to close, living alone, knowing others died alone, being responsible for someone's death, being responsible for millions of deaths, being unforgivable, but what he feared most is that it was all unnecessary, that all the guards had no reason. The Doctor didn't have guards. The Doctor wasn't really immortal, though. Nigh immortal, but he had the comfort that one day he would day, _could_ die. The Doctor also had a Tardis and the ability to leave people behind. Jack had no such luxury. He must watch everyone who walked into Torchwood either walk out sans their memories of the place and him or be stashed away in the morgue. One way or another, he had three choices. One, watch them enter eagerly and die eagerly and he would only be able to take solace in the fact that they died a good and brave death-albeit a little foolish. Two, watch them come in, break under the weight, and watch them walk out completely ret conned and oblivious, and Third, and he couldn't decided whether or not this was the worst one, he could watch them come in young and die old, wasting away in a bed, looking at him with resentment.

And the worst part? Comfort was impossible. He could talk it out, use Ianto as a rubbish bin for his angst and pain and anger, but everyone on this planet secretly spent so much time trying not to die, how could anyone understand yearning for death? TV and movies were also no help. He couldn't even escape in fiction. Any immortal characters were never alone. Even the vampires had friends that would be immortal with them.

There was only the Doctor. He was the only one who could understand. And they weren't a likely pair. At one point in time, Jack was very loyal to the doctor, cared very much about him. The Doctor made him a better person. But that time had passed. The Doctor would always remain a dear friend, an inspiration mostly, but the Doctor had also abandoned him, and well, Jack figured he'd be over that in about fifty more years.

Well, maybe he had already forgiven him. Jack thought of himself as partially responsible for Rose's fate. While he never meant to hurt Rose like that, and never, even in his angriest most resentful moments would have wished that fate for the Doctor, it was punishment enough. The Doctor left Jack stranded for over one hundred years, and Jack couldn't stop Torchwood London from taking Rose. That was fair enough. His time was penance for Rose's exile into another world.

But Jack was still immortal. And he couldn't hate Rose for that. She'd done it so purely out of love. And again, he was partly responsible for her exile, so while he never had wanted to punish her when he found out what she'd done, he had.

None of this, however, changed the fact that Jack was immortal. None of this changed the fact that Jack had become a douche in order to deal with it. Well, not a complete one. Eighty percent of one. 5 percent asshole, and 15 percent nice and decent guy. He knew it too. Oh, on some level, Jack knew it. He'd chosen it. What other choice did he really have? He was immortal. He had to become this to deal with the world.

But Ianto. He'd let him in. He'd let Ianto hear about his problems. Jack talked and Ianto listened. Jack was too afraid to let Ianto talk. Jack was only willing to go so far. He'd share his problems with the man, his bed-amongst other places- but not his sympathy, not his empathy, not his compassion. That was Jack's. And he couldn't afford to give it away. It wasn't worth it. To go around feeling compassion for a dying man. He daren't let Ianto confide in him. That didn't mean Jack was completely cold. He took it upon himself to care for all the members of his staff, make sure they were all getting along OK. Making sure they had healthy lives out of this hell hole. A warm hand on the shoulder here, a hug there, a kiss on the forehead or two-and where Ianto was concerned, there were other physical comforts that Jack could offer. But he couldn't offer true sympathy or true consul. He could only offer the advice of a very old man and a warm bed. That was all.

It's why he liked Gwen. Everything about her was giving. She gave compassion, and she never asked Jack to show her any. She demanded he show it to others. To strangers. He could give compassion to strangers-when he had to. They never asked for anything else. They asked only for one or two compassionate acts. And then he never had to worry about them again. And if they demanded more, he could delegate, set up some kind of system so he could move on. They never asked him to stay the night or to see him the next day. Just a bit of help here and there. And really, what else was he going to do with his immortal life? He might as well hand out the compassion to strangers.

But never to anyone he dared to get to know. To offer them that kind of help was unthinkable. And dangerous. He'd have to watch them die, and he couldn't do that knowing they were afraid and feeling compassion for that fear. He could he sit there, watching them die, feeling sympathy, feeling empathy for the fear of the lucky bastard that got to die was feeling. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

Unless he had it all wrong. Which brought him to his original train of thought. What if all this was unnecessary? The Doctor did not find any of this necessary. Look where that got him, the Doctor had lost Rose. Of course, that was his fault, so as long as he didn't run into himself-which he couldn't now that it was past 2005-he'd be fine. The Doctor said he was fine. Well, Jack didn't really believe that for a second.

But that moment, that moment he'd had with Ianto just before he had walked into this room. What Ianto had said before he left. Two days after Tosh and Owen's death, and Ianto had stated a simple fact, and it had turned Jack's perspective upside down. "I miss them too, you know. " And then he'd asked "doesn't that count for anything with you?" Ianto had been trying to empathize. He never did that. He let Jack rant, rave, yell, scream, cry, "distract" him until Jack couldn't feel the pain anymore, but he never, ever in the history of Ianto tried to understand what Jack was going through. Ever. And now, now he tries. Tries to get Jack through the biggest douzy he'd faced since 1999 by empathizing. Empathy. What made Ianto think he could possibly miss them like Jack did? Why try to make Jack remember that they had anything emotional in common. Ianto was young, would never have the kind of problems Jack did, would never live long enough to have them. So what made Ianto think he understood what Jack was going through right now?

Unless Ianto actually did understand. In which case. Well. Then Jack was wrong. And if Jack was wrong, then his entire treatment of Ianto-hell of every person he'd come into contact with in the last 80 -100 years or so was wrong. It wasn't just mean or impolite, it was unnecessary. And behavior like that that lacks necessity is uncalled for. It made him 100 percent douche. And an unnecessary one at that. He could have been kind, gentle, helpful, loving, made their short lives easier. But he hadn't been, and that made him a douche, a terrible person, uncaring, an ecoule as his mother would've said. He did not want that. It meant he had caused them pain, suffering. It meant that he had not truly cared or loved. It meant he let others go on silently, alone, in their grief. It meant he hadn't let them share their happy moments with him. He hadn't celebrated the fleeting moments of joy. It meant Jack was a worse person then he thought. He didn't just kill evil aliens, he'd killed hope, he'd killed prayers. And if Jack was wrong, it meant he'd killed love.

So Ianto couldn't understand. It meant too much if he did.


	2. Ianto

-1A/N: Let me know what you guys think!! I didn't want to use flashbacks to tell some of the story, so lemme know if making it all a thought process/stream of consciousness works for you guys! Thanks! Oh, and sorry about the underlining that had happened the previous chapter, something happened when I transferred the file to .

Thanks everyone for reviewing the last chapter!! It was helpful and appreciated, if not for the simple fact that it alerted me to the underline deal, and also encouraged me to put up another chapter.

Disclaimer: I've run out of creative ways to say I am not making money off of this and these characters are totally not mine.

Ianto stood on the roof, desperately trying to get inside Jack's head. Realizing, of course, that this was exactly what had gotten him into trouble in the first place. He never should have told Jack his secret-that he knew and understood Jack's every thought. OK, that was a lie. But he knew enough, more than Jack knew he knew. And Ianto understood. He really did.

And in his anger, he had let Jack know, breaking his cardinal rule: never tell Jack. That was the arrangement. Jack dumped all his shit on him, and Ianto used his best discretion whether or not to let others in on it. Like when Gwen went asking around about the missing persons. Ianto had decided that she ought to know. And he told her. And he'd been right, too. But he hadn't told Jack about his decision. He never told Jack. Jack of course had found out, but Ianto hadn't told him. He never told Jack. Anything. Not secret truths about himself, not about his deep problems, not about his secret hopes and his secret fears. That wasn't how this worked. If Jack noticed something was wrong with Ianto, he'd distract him. Not that Ianto was complaining. Jack was very good at distractions.

But he still had to wonder how Jack hadn't figured out Ianto's secret. That Ianto could empathize, could understand Jack. How did he think Ianto knew exactly when, where, and what Jack needed? But being taken for granted was a part of their relationship. Ianto didn't mind. He really didn't. Ianto prided himself on his discretion, on his secrets, on his amazing ability to go unnoticed. It's what got him a job at Torchwood London in the first place. It's what let him hide Lisa. He knew how people thought. He never turned off the cameras when he checked on her. That would have been suspicious. There was no reason for the others to check the CCTV on an ordinary day. So he had let it well enough alone. And it was the same with Jack. Ianto didn't want to talk about his past, didn't want Jack asking. And Jack never did. Instead, he told Ianto about his problems, his deals. Ianto liked it that way.

He knew Jack loved him. Well, he knew that Jack loved him as much as Jack could love anybody. He Jack-loved him. And what the hell, why not go ahead and make it a verb. It's about time the English language had a word for that anyways-for the ability to love someone as much as you are capable, even if it isn't the fullness of love. And what was English good for if not making up words. English, Ianto thought, is a language with one sole redeeming quality: adaptability. And why not name it after the one person who truly knew the definition. Jack couldn't afford to love. It must be far too painful for him, and he had no release. So, he Jack-loved. And Ianto could accept that. It's one of the things he loved about Jack, even if it was the one thing he wished he could change.

But Ianto wasn't stupid. He knew he'd either die or grow old and die. Either way, unless he pulled some magical or supernatural live forever trick, he was ending up dead. And far before Jack. And Ianto wouldn't wish that on Jack. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy, let alone on the man he loved. He couldn't ask him to truly, deeply, with everything he had love him. That would be too hard for Jack. Because if Jack loved him with everything that he had, when he died, Jack would lose the better part of himself. And Ianto knew how much hurt Jack would feel at his death, how much pain Jack felt watching Tosh slip away and knowing that Owen was dead. Ianto had seen the look in Jack's eyes the first time they thought Owen was dead. Their deaths were painful enough, and Ianto loathed to add his own to the pile, but it was inevitable. And it would cause Jack a great deal of anguish. And Ianto knew. And Jack didn't know Ianto knew. Because he'd learned the lesson while Jack was away.

One day while Jack was gone, there had been an unusual amount of fires around Cardiff. When he had looked into it, the reports from the witnesses of the fires had all claimed that they had seen a small child who had appeared, burnt bright, and then disappeared in an instant. Some witnesses even reported seeing wings on the girl. So, of course, Torchwood investigated.

They basically ran around Cardiff blind, hoping to find the next fire before it happened. And one day, Ianto got lucky. He saw a small girl-with wings, no less- appear before him, and burst into flames. Without thinking, he'd grabbed her hand. He remembered feeling a pulling sensation, and then the feel of your stomach dropping out from under you like on a roller coaster. And then the thump of him hitting the ground, and the girl, falling from the pull of his hand onto his stomach. She kicked at him, and he tried to contain her, to tell her he wasn't going to hurt her-to calm her down. But she got loose and bolted. He ran after her.

When he finally caught up with her, she was huddling in a corner, crying. It had taken Ianto a few tries to get her to talk, but this was his skill. He could take care of anybody. And he had. And she had told him her story.

Or tried to. She couldn't really speak English, and he clearly couldn't speak her language. But, she could hand gesture with the best of them, and apparently some gestures really were universal. He got the jist of her story.

She was just a lost little girl. With a name. A lost little girl whose name was Maylin. Or at least he thought that was her name, for all he knew it could've been her word for "hungry" or "tired' or "shoulder". But she had pointed at herself and said repeatedly "Maylin". And he had pointed at himself and repeatedly said "Ianto". And when she would tell her story, she would occasionally pause and look at him and say "Ianto" to clarify one point or another. Who knows, maybe maylin was her word for "understand" and she thought "Ianto" was his. But, at least he had something to call her.

She must have gotten pulled into the rift from some other planet somehow and had landed here. She didn't know where her parents where, and she was so confused. And she didn't know why she kept bursting into flames.

So, Ianto took her back to the hub. After sorting through the archives and some of Jack's own personal additions to them, he finally recognized her species. It was one Jack had been familiar with in his own century. They were called Zelditz. They were creatures that burst into flames as a defense mechanism, but did not develop the skill until mid childhood (right before puberty) , and then it was generally out of control until they were either taught to control it, or more commonly when they hit puberty. Ianto had also noted, with amusement, that the reason this species was so well known is that their home planet was also a popular tourist planet and was closed for a week or two every three months or so. Their species apparently could only mate and birth at certain seasons, so they all reached mid childhood together. It was convenient, he thought, it spared the tourists from being singed.

Unfortunately, Ianto did not know how to teach Maylin to control her abilities. And Cardiff couldn't take another four days of random fires, nor could the Hub afford to catch fire. So, Ianto had taken Maylin's hand, told her they were going on an adventure, and took her down to the basement. They went to the cells. And Ianto knew that. But he also knew they were fireproof. He just hoped she wouldn't be too scared of Janet.

When they got there, Maylin seemed hesitant. Ianto tried to explain to her that the she had to stay here for a little while, that it was safe, and that he'd make her as comfortable as possible, and that it could even be a little fun. But the archives said very little about language, and he only knew a few words. He knew fun. Typical of a tourist planet. And comfortable had been included, as well as safe. But he had no idea of how to say sorry or temporary. He knew the word for forever and always, but had no clue how to indicate the negative.

But they had managed, in their own little way, and in the end she acquiesced to being put in the cell. He had stayed there with her, at first. Of course, he'd had to leave the cell when she burst into flames. Fortunately, there was a 30 second gap where she seemed to realize what was happening and to warn him out of the cell. Although the first time it had happened, he had barely recognized the warning early enough. But he'd sat with her.

He had sung songs- in English and in Welsh, just like his mother had with him. He was trying to get her to go to sleep. And in what must have been two hours, he had.

He had quietly tucked out of the cell and gone upstairs, where the others were returning from their fruitless searches. Realizing he hadn't informed them that he'd found the girl, he apologized and then explained the situation. Gwen, of course, volunteered also to sit with her, and Ianto informed all of them of her warning signal to get clear.

Over the next week, they had all taken turns with Maylin, when they could. But Ianto stuck around her the most. He even took to doing a good majority of his paper work with her. He even slept there that week. And over the week, they had started to form a mixture of their two languages. Him slowly understanding her words, and her quickly picking up on his.

And then one day the next week, she informed him (in broken English) that she could control her power. He even got a demonstration. So, they let her out, and since she had nowhere to stay, she stayed with them, in Jack's room.

The next three months she had become a common part of the Hub. She helped Ianto make the coffee (and picked up his slack when he had field duties), she cleaned up, she told jokes (her English got quite good, and she even picked up a little welsh), she even developed an amazing talent for art. And Ianto (who refused to leave the Hub because he had too much work, but mostly in case Jack came back) had been with her for most of that. She had even painted a picture of him and an artist's conception of Jack. Ianto had told her stories about Jack, he had become a kind of mythological hero to her-the Man Who Could Never Die. And the two of them had become good friends. Ianto loved her as a daughter.

But she had grown old in those months. And Ianto had known she would too, it had said in the file. And towards the end of her third month at Torchwood, she died. And Ianto had been there for that, too. He had watched as her hands grew shaky, as she had trouble recalling facts, as her English went from broken to good to broken again. He watched as she could no longer draw the likeness of things to perfection, he watched as she struggled to hold a cup of coffee still. He watched as stooping over to pick up a piece of trash become difficult or painful. He watched her journey from youthful optimism to tired. She grew tired. And she could no longer bounce around the hub as she had weeks previously. She stayed in bed most of the day and watch a television in a language she could just only remember.

Ianto had sat with her in her last hours-late at night. The others had gone home, having already said goodbye-or refusing to deal with her death. He remembered laughing inside during their last conversation. She had told him that she led a good life. She told him that her only regret was not having children. But she told him that it was a sacrifice she could live with to experience what she had experienced. Her planet was also not yet a space faring planet, although they weren't far off. He told her she never would have gotten to see such wonders and that she could have only dreamed of other life and other planets outside her own. And she told him that she loved him. And he told her that he loved her. And with that exchange, she died after her next breath.

Later, Owen confirmed in the autopsy that she had died of old age.

Ianto laughed bitterly then, remembering her final words. She had not lived a full life, she had barely lived at all. Not wanting to deal with anything, he hid himself away in what had been her room. Once in there, he sadly remembered it had been Jack's room. Two mourned souls. He glanced around the room before plopping himself on the bed. And as he did, a picture fell from the wall. It was one Maylin had drawn of him and the mythical Jack. And on the back it was labeled: Ianto and Jack- The Man Who Can Never Die. And it hit Ianto like millions of tons of bricks. This is what Jack experienced every time. Every time someone he loved died, he knew that he would have to carry on for lifetimes without them-maybe even forever. Maylin had lived a grand total of four months-and that was a full life span for her. Four months. There are three sets of four months in a year. If he died of old age, he'd live 80 years. He'd live 240 lifetimes compared to her. The thought made Ianto burst into tears. 240 more lifetimes without her. She had died in the blink of an eye, and he'd live 240 more times as her. And Jack-Jack had done this every fifty years or so for who knows how long. Or worse. Knowing his lifestyle, people probably came in and out of his life every ten years, or maybe even five.

And Ianto had felt the pain quite keenly then at Maylin's death. But he had also felt a slight sense of relief that his abandonment was justifiable. That he understood. At that moment, Ianto was willing to do anything to spare anyone else this pain, especially Jack. And if Jack had to run to escape it, then Ianto understood.

Of course, Jack had come back. And standing on that roof, Ianto remembered why. "For you.". And, that had meant everything. The possibility that Jack thought that Ianto was worth all that pain. Again.

Ianto accepted Jack's love, his Jack-love. He understood why Jack had to be the way he was. Ianto was just never going to tell Jack that he knew.


	3. The Roof

A/N Thanks to everyone who's been reading, and all you fabulous people who added me to story alert and put me as a favorite author. And thanks to everyone who's reviewed. It really helps me. Pleas review more!! I hope you enjoy this one.

Jack wandered up to the roof. He needed to talk to Ianto and he needed to do it now. He needed to make damn sure Ianto understood that he did not know a thing about what Jack was going through. But, of course he needed to make sure that the man was alright. He knew Ianto was feeling a lot of pain. Jack had decided that the best way to accomplish both was to comfort Ianto, to make him talk about how he felt. Then Jack would listen, would know that Ianto was expressing his grief, but at the same time Jack would be assured that Ianto wasn't feeling nearly the same pain he was-the pain of losing the 10 thousandth person that he had cared about.

As Jack made his final approach to the roof, he saw Ianto sitting there, his head in his hands. The man looked crumpled, defeated. Jack froze. He looked backwards and contemplated leaving. But as he looked back at Ianto, Jack was reattached to his spot. Jack couldn't just leave Ianto like this. The man looked like he was slowly breaking into very tiny pieces that he would never be able to pick back up. With every shake of his shoulders, it looked like thousands of more pieces of the man fell from those beautiful shoulders.

Jack didn't know what to do. He was totally at a loss for once in his life. His clever plan shattered with Ianto.

"Star gazing while you can?" Ianto asked.

"How long have you known I was standing here?" Jack said, slightly shocked.

"Ever since you came up to the roof. You aren't as silent as a cat, Jack, even if you are as agile as one. I could here you the second you stepped onto the roof." Ianto answered.

"Oh." And as the vowel sound fell from Jack's lips, silence once again wrapped up the two men and neither of them moved.

And of course, it was Ianto who broke the silence again. "Stars are really pretty tonight. You can't normally see this many in Cardiff. In fact, it's been so long since I've seen this many stars that I can't help but feel that maybe some were added in the last few weeks."

"Well, with the city in disarray as it is, there might as well be some few perks." Jack said as he walked up to sit beside Ianto. Putting his arm around his shoulders he said, "Penny for your thoughts."

"heh. Haven't heard that phrase used since my dad died." Ianto said.

"Really? Can't be that out of date. I know I'm old, but…"

"Not that old? I wouldn't know. You've never actually told me how old you are. For all I know you could be thousands of years old."

"In a way I am." Jack said solemnly.

"Hard to imagine. While I was locked in that cell for what, a few hours? You were…" Ianto stopped. He made a little choking noise, whether it was to cover up a sob or not, Jack couldn't tell. But Jack pulled him closer and hushed him anyways. The two men sat in companionable silence. Ianto sat there, head pillowed into Jack's chest, and Jack, just stroking his hair. Ianto almost wanted to purr, but the gravity of the conversation and the weight of his previous thoughts caused Ianto to reach his hand to Jack's chest and pull himself into Jack, bunching up the fabric of his vest as he did.

It was killing Ianto, as he sat there gripping Jack tightly, to know that one day Jack would be alone. It was this thought that had brought Ianto to the roof in the first place. And having just been occupying the mental and emotional space of losing Maylin, to see Jack, to be sitting with the man and being held by him, it hurt Ianto in a way he hadn't realized he could be hurt. Losing Lisa had been a nightmare, but it was nothing like this kind of pain. The pain that you knew your lover would be miserable. Lisa hadn't been unhappy, she had been unaware. But Ianto never had to live with the knowledge that one day she would be absolutely miserable and desperately alone.

As Jack continued to hold him, Ianto started to feel increasingly guilty that he was allowing Jack to love him. Well-as he had mused earlier-not love, Jack-love, but Ianto could feel the layers slip away. Oh, they wouldn't all go away tonight, but Ianto guessed that perhaps if things continued as they did and if he lived long enough, Jack just might let himself love Ianto, truly love him. The thought excited and terrified Ianto. He couldn't let Jack love him like that, could he? It would be cruel to Jack. Maybe he would die before they reached that kind of intimacy, Ianto thought grimly.

As they sat, Ianto eventually gazed upward to look at Jack, to really look at his face, to try and see what the man was experiencing at this very moment. Maybe Jack was thinking the same thing Ianto was. Maybe Jack was internally battling over how close he could let himself get to Ianto. Ianto should solve that battle for him. He shouldn't put Jack through that struggle.

As it turns out, Ianto was correct. Jack was thinking very much along the same lines as Ianto as he held him in his arms. Jack was currently arguing with himself over whether or not he should let the man closer.

This wasn't the first time Jack had had this debate with himself. Hell, it wasn't even the first time he'd had this debate with himself this century. In fact, Jack went through this routine every time he experienced a moment of intimacy with anyone. And holding Ianto, feeling Ianto holding on to him, as though it was Ianto who was terrified that Jack might die at any moment, Jack felt such intimacy in a way he hadn't since, well probably since the eighties. It had been awhile. After a time, he'd given up on re-marrying. After his first wife had died in the first half of the 20th century, Jack had thought he'd end up re-marrying eventually. That never did happen. Oh, he'd had romantic encounters since then, even permanent relationships. However, many of them happened to be with men or other members of Torchwood. So, either he couldn't marry them due to cultural and legal barriers or they died before they could even get to that stage. Or both. And somewhere around the eighties, after death 9,970 or so, he had pretty much given up. Or rather, had totally stopped looking and if love came, than he'd deal with it there.

And stroking Ianto's hair in the cool night under the stars, it seemed as though perhaps it had. But Jack knew, he knew he wasn't capable of loving Ianto like he used to be capable of loving people. Even the last time he had felt this kind of intimacy, there hadn't been a true level of love. Love, true love, Jack couldn't actually remember the last time he'd felt it. And if he could remember, the memory was ruined by all the accompanying pain the memory brought. Jack wasn't sure if he'd felt love since he'd become immortal. The last people he had loved unreservedly had been the Doctor and Rose. And that, that was a different kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that made you want to shag in the middle of a public place or just stay home all day and sit by the fire or whatever the hell it was greeting cards were using as symbols for two people in love now a days. But ever since the Doctor had abandoned him, the walls had begun to form. Well, the big walls, the walls with high security. Before the Doctor there had been other betrayals, the Time Agency, losing his father and brother-he thought with great bitterness. But those betrayals hadn't hardened him like immortality had. At least before he knew he would die. There was some kind of comfort in that. The threat of eternal loneliness had not yet been hanging over his head. Then it was only a deep mistrust of people-and the walls were more then penetrable.

Not like right now. These were more than walls. These walls were not only made of thick adamantium, but around them was a security system that would put Torchwood to shame. And right in front of his heart was a giant Pride of Lions ready to tear to pieces anyone who managed to get that close.

But, this kind of intimacy he was currently experiencing with Ianto, it…well…it was that it felt so damn good. It wasn't letting Ianto anywhere near his heart, but it really made Jack want to. Knowing that letting down the walls and calling off the Lions would mean that this intimacy would only increase, become deeper, more meaningful, more fulfilling, really made Jack want to sabotage his own emotional security system and put the Lions down himself.

But, every time Jack got this close to someone, got this taste of love and trust, he couldn't just expose himself. If he did that, he'd never survive. What if he did let Ianto in? Ianto would eventually die. And it wasn't just about losing Ianto to his inevitable fate. That was going to happen no matter what he did, and no matter what he did, it would still hurt. It was about how soon the next one came along. One, two, three generations after Ianto? Five or six if he was lucky. Because even though this kind of love only comes along once in a lifetime, Jack knew he'd live many, many lifetimes. How soon would it be before he experienced this kind of intimacy with someone else and wanted to tear the whole system down again? He couldn't survive dealing with the kind of pain that losing someone you love with everything you have brings every fifty years or so. It was too much. It was better to just leave his system in check.

But then again, for Ianto… it was tempting, it was awfully, awfully tempting.


	4. Aquarius

A/N Thanks again to my readers!! Please review this chapter, I don't think I'm nearly as good with dialogue as I am with introspective streams of consciousness, so let me know what you think of the dialogue. Also, the dialogue (in a few places) is kind of in play form in the sense that I don't always specify who is speaking. Tell me if you find it confusing or no. Also, I can end it here, but I also have ideas to further this story, so let me know if you think I should continue this or no. Thanks!!

Oh, and thanks ever so much for the reviews, especially those of you who stuck through the underlined phases of this story (technology hates me.) And thanks to bbmcowgirl and Boo26 for your well thought out reviews. They were really helpful to me.

Disclaimer: no money. I mean seriously, how would I be getting the money? Did you have to give a credit card number in order to access this story? If you did, I am not seeing a penny of it.

As Ianto looked up to see Jack's expression, he could tell Jack was in deep thought. Looking at his face, studying it, Ianto noticed a glimmer of light from out of the corner of his eye. Just looking past Jack's face, he saw what must have been a shooting star.

Although his earlier comment about star gazing had just been a rouse to get Jack to admit to watching Ianto, he now noticed the stars just beyond Jack's face. They were beautiful. And it was true, he really hadn't seen the stars this plentiful in the sky for a long while. Guess there was something good about Cardiff suffering a massive loss of power that was taking far too long to repair.

Ianto found himself lost in a dream-like state staring at the stars. When a realization came upon him.

"We're sitting under Aquarius." He said in a half chuckle, half nonchalant sort of fashion.

"What?" Jack asked as he was pulled from his own personal thoughts.

"The constellation, right there," Ianto said as he pointed to the night sky, "Right there just past your face, it's the constellation of Aquarius."

"And you know this how?" His voice tinted with the tiniest bit of curiosity and astonishment which hid under an expression of impatience and indifference.

"I know everything." Ianto replied, "The real question is, how does Jack, 'I can identify just about any alien species' Harkness NOT know that we're sitting under Aquarius?"

"Who said I didn't know?"

"You're tone of voice. That wasn't a personal inquiry, that was you not knowing if my sources were accurate. That was you not being able to verify the constellation for yourself." Ianto answered with a laugh.

"You caught me." Jack said in mock surrender. "So, how do you know that it's Aquarius?"

"My grandmother was really into star-gazing when I was a kid. She lived in the middle of nowhere. You could see every star in the sky, millions and millions of stars. When I would stay with her, we would go outside, just me and her- although sometimes my grandfather would join us-and she would take her telescope. I would set it up for her, and together we would star gaze. She taught me every major constellation and practically all of the minor ones. She would tell me the stories of the myths that accompanied each one. And I am informing you, that that one is Aquarius. It was my grandfather's favorite myth actually, which later in life led me to become quite suspicious of their marriage."

"Suspicious how?"

"Not in the way that made me wonder if they loved each other. It was very clear that they did. They had such a deep affection for each other, and they trusted each other. And when I was a little kid, their relationship was exactly how you expect grandparents to be. But, as I got older, and they would tell me or re-tell me stories of their youth, I started to wonder if their relationship had ever had any passion in it, you know? If it had any real lust to it. And, not that I asked, but after a while, I started to suspect that my grandfather was gay, and that my grandmother was a close friend and that she functioned as a beard."

"And what exactly does this have to do with the constellation of Aquarius?"

"It tells the story of a young boy being whisked away into the heavens by Zeus." Ianto answered with something that resembled a giggle.

"I think you're going to have to tell me this story, Ianto. It sounds like my kind of myth." Jack replied lightly.

"Well, it's pretty basic actually. Aquarius, or Ganymede, was a young boy. He worked in the fields. And Zeus saw him from the heavens and took a liking to the youth. Aquarius was a beautiful youth, by the way.

And as the days went by, Zeus became more and more fond of the boy, perhaps even falling in love with him. Finally, Zeus decided to take Aquarius from his toilsome and boring life in the fields and had his Eagle rush Aquarius away to the heavens. There, he became the cup bearer. He poured water for the gods for all eternity. And Zeus had himself a bit of eternal eye candy." Ianto added the last part of the story with a grin, and he looked at Jack who had his head down, grinning.

"So he became the god's butler?"

"Basically. See, I told you it was suspicious for that to be my grandfather's favorite myth."

"I see that."

"I wonder if my grandmother wasn't suspicious when it became my favorite myth."

"Did it?"

"Yup."

"And how long did it take you to realize that?"

"Her death. When she died, I was asked to say a few words. I accepted, and then proceeded to immediately regret the decision. I had no idea what to say. Of course, when my Grandfather died two days before her funeral, it hit me. I would talk about the constellation of Aquarius. It wasn't the most appropriate story in the world, but I liked the idea that maybe they had somehow been whisked off to the heavens together. Like I said, they weren't in love, but they meant an awful lot to each other. I imagine that's maybe how Zeus felt for Aquarius himself. I don't know. And after I spoke at the funeral, my mother told me she wasn't the least surprised that I had talked about that myth. She claims it had always been my favorite."

"I don't know if I would've guessed that myth would be your favorite right away. I thought maybe you'd be more of a Cupid and Psyche kind of guy." Jack said.

"Ah, so you are smarter than you look." Ianto teased.

"Hey, I know my basic myths. And I don't look dumb."

"You're too pretty to look smart, Jack."

"Yeah, but I am awfully persuasive."

"Pretty people normally are."

"What does that say about humans? We are more likely to believe a pretty person over an ugly person but at the same time we think pretty people are dumber than uglier people." Jack pondered.

"It means we really like to feel trusted and we really like to shag. So if I have to nod and smile while you talk about all of your alien expertise, I will do so just to get you into bed." Ianto deadpanned.

"Ahh, so that's why you always seem impressed with my alien knowledge."

"And not at all surprised when you don't know who Aquarius is."

"Hey, how do you know I wasn't feigning a lack of knowledge so you would tell your story and then I could make you feel trusted by nodding and smiling at your knowledge to get you into bed?" Jack asked.

"I know everything, Jack. And I know you actually wanted to hear that story. And I know that you want to know about why the story is my favorite."

"So, should I have you tested for psychic abilities, then?" Jack asked.

"Don't bother, Torchwood One already did. Nothing too special. I have a higher then average intuition. But that's about it. It also helps that you aren't all that subtle, Jack."

"Well, go on then, Mr. I know what you're thinking, tell me why it's your favorite myth."

"Because, the other myths were too turbulent. I never really wanted that in my life. The kind of turbulence that romance always seemed to involve. Although I did end up falling into that same kind of romance, and don't misunderstand me, I found myself not minding the turbulence. I found myself rather enjoying it, actually, and I must admit, I've became a bit addicted to turbulence. In a strange way, it's like one of the things my life was missing before. But when I was a kid, it seemed rather silly to me. And the turbulent myths, those romances never really last. But Aquarius. Zeus may never have really loved him, but he loved him enough to whisk him away from his toiling life. Even if it was just for his viewing pleasure."

"You know what I think?" Jack asked, "I think Zeus really did love Aquarius, why else keep him around? No one keeps someone around that long for eye candy. Even if it did start off that way, after that much time with a person, it's possible Zeus started to fall in love with him."

"Maybe he just made really, really delicious coffee."

Jack laughed humorlessly, "I doubt that. You don't spend eternity with someone for coffee. I don't think you spend more than a month with someone just for really good coffee."

"Then do you think it was love?"

"I think it was something."

"Is. Is something. They're standing right above us, Jack. There he is, pouring water right over our heads."

"It most definitely is something."

"I really wish I could define whatever it is." Ianto stated, and whether it was a twinge of a whine or hope in his voice, Jack never could tell.

"You 21st century people and your quaint definitions. Where I come from relationships are what they are. No one even really tries to define love. Why give it titles? It just limits it." Jack half-chastised.

"Titles help us understand it." Ianto defended.

"But look at Aquarius, do you think he ever questioned Zeus' actions." Jack countered.

"I'm sure he did. But I think, eventually, he realized that Zeus had saved him. He took him away from mediocrity, showed him a universe he never would've known. And I'm sure he realized too that Zeus was a really complicated guy and he learned to accept the love that Zeus did show him in his own special Zeus way. I like titles, Jack, I like information to be categorized. But-"

"But what?"

"But I think Aquarius learned to accept the Zeus-love that he got."

With that, Jack looked at Ianto with a questioning gaze, a gaze that seemed to ask permission that Jack be allowed to hold back, but it also expressed his fear that he wouldn't be able to contain himself for much longer. Ianto looked back at Jack, and then putting his hand behind Jack's head Ianto pulled Jack to him and kissed him deeply on the lips.

They broke apart when Jack let out a soft laugh. "Zeus-love?" He asked.

"Yeah. Zeus-love." Ianto parroted back.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Jack said, hearing an edge starting to creep into his voice and he wondered why exactly he was getting upset over this.

"Don't you worry your pretty head over it, Jack." Ianto answered trying to keep things light. After all, it seemed like they had just reached a resolution, and Ianto did not want this conversation to go backwards. But with Jack's next words, Ianto knew he'd have no such luck.

"Ianto. What is that supposed to mean." Jack demanded.

"It…" Ianto hesitated. If he told Jack, he would be breaking his cardinal rule for the second time tonight. But Jack fixed him with a glare, and Ianto finished his reply. "It just means that Zeus, well, he loved a lot of other mortals, and probably got his heart broken a lot, and you know, he had Hera, but she wasn't the best wife in the universe, and he…he probably couldn't love Aquarius like Aquarius might have originally wanted or had thought he would end up being loved when he was a boy, but that Zeus, Zeus had very, very good reasons for not being able to love, really truly love Aquarius. And Zeus-love, it just means that he loved Aquarius as best he could, even if it wasn't the true definition of love or the traditional romantic notion of love." Ianto stammered out.

Jack stood up. "I don't think Zeus would appreciate his ability to love to be quantified." Jack said, suddenly aware why it was this conversation was making him upset.

And with this realization, Jack walked away. And when he spared a glance back at Ianto he saw the man stand up, startled and a little shaken. But that wasn't the worst of it. He saw the look in Ianto's eyes. Jack knew what that look meant. And it only confirmed what Jack had known from the last bit of their conversation, it only confirmed what Jack had realized was making him so angry, and it only confirmed what Jack had felt in the kiss.

Ianto understood.

Shit.


	5. The Next Day

-1Please remember this fic takes place after Exit Wounds, so there are spoilers if you haven't gotten to the end of S2.

A/N Thank you again so very much to all of you who reviewed!! This chapter would not exist without you. Please review again or those of you who have, or for the first time if you're just joining in this story. I need all the feedback I can get!! Let me know if everything makes sense, what your take is on what you think it is I'm saying, if the dialogue seems realistic aka in character to you, if there's anything you would like to see (no promises), etc… I really appreciate everyone who has reviewed!

Thanks to: Prinzessin, Lucklyn, ancient maverick, X-loner-X-starlight-X, boo26, hotflower901, Hannah-make wish, ferosh, and a special thanks to bbmcowgirl for so thoroughly reviewing everyone of my chapters.

This chapter is a little different from the other 4. I'm starting to bring in other team members. (well, Gwen, since Tosh and Owen are dead.)

Disclaimer: If I owned them, you'd know it.

On with the story!!

Chapter 5

Ianto just stared after Jack. What the hell had just happened? Oh right. He'd broken his own cardinal rule. He'd told Jack.

Oops.

Ianto decided the best course of action was to head home, fast, and embark on operation "This never happened."

The next morning found Gwen and Ianto sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and chatting very seriously.

"Did you really call it Zeus-love?" Gwen asked, half teasing, half all childlike innocence.

"To him, yes. I couldn't very well tell him what I was calling it in my head." Ianto said in that dead-panned "duh" tone of voice he was prone to adopt.

"I don't know. I think having a kind of love named after him would quite appease his ego. Jack-love.", Gwen tried the feel of the word, "Jaaack-love, Jack-loooove. It's kind of catchy. I think it fits."

"Yes, but Zeus-love has a mythological reference more people will understand. It's catchier." Ianto countered.

"Yeah, but Jack is a really common name, oh! And wasn't it slang for "man" in the middle ages?" She said triumphantly with full confidence that this bit of knowledge she possessed would allow her to win this conversation.

But, Ianto, who did in fact, know everything, out foxed her by rebutting with, "True, but then it's Man-love, and that doesn't sound like exactly what it is."

"Still fits Jack." Gwen said, and if she had said it anymore childishly, Ianto would've felt inclined to buy her an ice cream cone and take her to a playground for the afternoon.

But as it was, she was an adult, and she hadn't said it that childishly, so Ianto decided Gwen needed to remember how things worked here at Torchwood. "Oi! I believe I am the official name-giver around here."

But Gwen was not about to let Ianto self-proclaim himself as Torchwood Name-giver. Not without a fight. "Oooohhhhh. How's that exactly?"

"Risen mitten, knife life, stun gun." Ianto immediately supplied.

"Nope," Gwen said with a vigorous shake of her head, "stun gun was Jack." Ha! She had him now.

"And I don't think he'd appreciate me naming it Jack-love. You are out voted."

Damn, Gwen thought. But she wasn't about to completely give up on not being allowed to call it Jack-love. "Fine. But I still think…"

At that point, Ianto did the only thing he could think to do to claim victory in this kind of discussion. He tickled Gwen mercilessly.

"You win. You win!" Gwen gasped out trying to catch her breath.

"I'm the official name-giver?" Ianto said in his best bad-cop voice.

"I humble myself in the presence of your glory, oh name-giver of Torchwood." Gwen conceded as she gave Ianto a little bow.

"Thank You." Ianto said as he straightened his suit.

Of course, Gwen remembered the original topic of conversation, and if Ianto wasn't going to let her name things, then he was damn well going to tell her the rest of the story about last night with Jack. "Oh, but you have to finish. What happened after that?

"Ehhh…." Ianto tried to evade the question. He didn't know if he was ready to admit his grand failure to Gwen. Besides, she'd just blame Jack for it, anyways.

"Oh come on, I deserve some kind of consolation prize for losing the right to give names to things around here." Gwen pleaded.

"A kiss." Ianto hoped Gwen wouldn't inquire to the events that happened after the kiss.

"Oh! Who started it?" Gwen practically squeed the question.

Ianto chuckled, "Me, but you know Jack, he's quick to join in."

Gwen joined in the chuckle with Ianto. But there was still one thing she needed to find out from Ianto. "So, then. Everything's good?"

"Well…." Again, Ianto hesitated to continue on in the conversation. If Gwen asked if anything happened beyond the kiss then Ianto would have to tell her. It was her right as his "Jack gal pal."

"Oh no, what'd he do?" Gwen knew it! She knew Ianto had looked forlorn this morning. He would've been beaming if last night had ended in a sweet snog with Jack.

"Why do you always assume it's Jack? How do you know I didn't do something wrong?" Ianto defended.

"Because you know how to conduct a proper relationship." Gwen stated.

"I wouldn't say that. This would only be the big 5 anyways. And that is only if you're counting the girl I snogged under the Oak tree in 2nd grade and the girl I dated when I was 13 for two weeks." Ianto replied.

"Inexperienced but capable. More than Jack can say. Who knows how many years of dating he's done." Gwen was not about to let Ianto defend Jack. He always stood up for Jack. Never for himself. And as his official "Jack gal pal" Gwen knew it was her job to blame Jack when Ianto wouldn't. Mostly for Ianto's sake.

"Maybe that's the problem" Ianto reflected.

"Or maybe he needs to gain some perspective." Gwen tried.

"Maybe it's how they do things in his time." Ianto, again, defended.

"And when would that be?" As Gwen said this, she simultaneously thought, 'Oh, come on, Ianto. He's been out of his time for long enough, he should really get with the program."

"I don't actually know. I get the feeling it's the 51st century some time." Ianto answered.

Gwen just stared at Ianto's ability to sound so confident at what MUST be a random guess.

"Something he told me when we first meet."

"Oh." Gwen silently mouthed.

There was a pause in the conversation as Gwen worked out what to say next to Ianto. Finally, she found something resembling words. "So…what'd he do?"

"I," Ianto emphasized the I, "pushed him away, said "Jack, I can't do this anymore, it's all or nothing. And then, just for good measure, I hit him over the head with the hilt of a sword."

"OK. …So, what really happened?" Gwen said, knowing that the day Ianto did something like that was the day some alien or rift activity didn't interpret her personal life.

Ianto sighed.

"He asked me what I meant by Zeus-love, and I believe I recall giving some kind of stammered explanation. And then he walked away."

"So he just walked away? Just like that? No…explanation, nothing?" OK, now Gwen was starting to get a little upset at how Jack had treated Ianto last night.

"It's Jack. He does that. Like maybe he thinks he might be Batman." Ianto was not about to let Gwen blame this completely on Jack. Ianto knew what getting involved with Jack meant, he knew Jack was prone to disappearing acts. He also knew that Jack would look really great in those black tights Batman wore, but that was neither here nor there.

"Ugghhh. How are you not livid?" Gwen asked.

"Because it's my fault, really." Ouch. Ianto knew the second those words came out of his mouth that Gwen would not approve. He steeled himself for one of Gwen's patented "you deserve better" speeches.

"No. No, don't say that. You're starting to sound like an abused wife." Gwen was starting to get angry.

"Well…" Ianto deflected.

"No! He has no right to treat you like that." OK, now Gwen was mad.

"If I sound like an abused wife, you sound like a pamphlet ." Ianto said, trying to calm Gwen down, if only a little.

Gwen sighed. Her anger was not going to help Ianto right now. "Ianto," She said, "You deserve at least an explanation from him."

"I don't need one." Ianto said.

"Why?" Gwen inquired.

"I already have one. I know what happened, Gwen" Ianto kindly informed her.

"Please, feel free to fill me in any time soon."

"I broke the rule." Ianto stated simply.

"What rule? His rule? You don't always…" Gwen froze when she saw Ianto's face. "Ohhhh….THAT RULE."

"Yup."

"Oh."

…They awkwardly rocked slightly in their sits as they quietly drummed their fingers on their coffee cups.

"Well, what are you going to do." Gwen asked, even though it came out as more of a statement.

"No idea. There's no contingency plans." Ianto said, starting to sound a little shaken.

"So, this was an unforeseen event." Gwen gently pried further into the situation. Especially since Ianto seemed to all of the sudden start to become un-glued.

"More than unforeseen," Ianto said, with a panic in his voice starting to build. " It was never meant to happen. This is an unthinkable event. It's the bloody Titanic, it is!" Ianto practically exclaimed that last bit.

Gwen had not ever seen Ianto this anxious about a problem with Jack. Even when Jack left. Well, maybe only the time when Jack left. But Ianto had been so confident that Jack would come back; had been so sure that he just got delayed doing…well whatever it was Ianto seemed to think Jack was doing that would cause him to get delayed for 5 months. Now, Ianto seemed like…like…like he didn't know what to do. And Gwen had not ever really seen Ianto at a loss for a plan, at least not when it came to Jack. So she said the only thing she could think to say, "Ianto, it can't be that bad."

"Gwen, you know the rules of The Rule. It is that bad. It's worse than that bad. And even worse, I have no idea how to deal with it." Ianto said desperation now completely evident in his voice.

"IANTO!" Jack's voice suddenly yelled out in the hub. Jack's voice startled both Gwen and Ianto. Gwen watched as Ianto took a deep breath, rubbed his hands together, regained his composure, and then stood up to go face Jack.

"Well, I guess you get to figure it out on the fly… Good luck, Ianto."

"Thanks Gwen."

"Ian-" Jack started to call for Ianto again.

"Coming." Ianto called back, cutting Jack off.

Jack walked out as Ianto started to make his way up the stairs to his office, when Jack said, "I just need some coffee. Badly."

"Oh. Alright then. Just a moment then, Sir." Ianto said as he went to get coffee.

But as soon as Jack heard the word sir, no scratch that, it wasn't the word sir, the word "sir" could be rather kinky. It was the tone of voice. The kind of tone of voice that confirms to immortal men everywhere that they knew they shouldn't act like nothing happened and that they were being completely stupid.

"Ianto…" Jack tried again.

"No, it's fine. I was just talking to Gwen, anyways."

Jack sighed with resignation as Ianto went to make the coffee. He didn't know how to talk to Ianto about this. Hell, he didn't know how to talk to anybody about this. He had just had a major character realization. He was a douche. He was a terrible person. And no one deserved all the things that came with being loved by him, especially Ianto. On the other hand, Jack knew that it was hurting Ianto more to be pushed away than it would be to deal with a relationship. But ,Jack knew that even if they did try to build something, it would be a house of cards. Even if it did last for the rest of Ianto's life, even if Ianto didn't die young, it would still be an unstable relationship. There would always be the fear that the wind might blow the wrong way and knock the Queen of Hearts from under them. Jack could not fully commit to Ianto. Ianto deserved someone who could fully commit. Even if it was Ianto's choice, even if Ianto knew all the conditions that a relationship between the two of them would entail, Jack was a bad idea.

And the worst part of it all? Ianto understood. The oh so young man understood all to well what it was like to love and lose, to love and lose again, and then just for fun, to love and lose some more. And yet, if Ianto could fully commit, why couldn't Jack? The only other model he had for this whole "I'm immortal, I'll lose everyone I love because everyone dies except for me" was the Doctor. It was the closest thing he could find to immortal. And the Doctor, he certainly never fully committed. Jack had watched him and Rose. And while they were close-maybe closer than the Doctor had ever been with anyone-, they were never that close, never as close as maybe Rose had -in her heart of hearts-wanted them to be. When the only comparison Jack could make to his situation had been the Doctor, Jack had been doing pretty good in the relationship category.

But now, somehow, in some way that was quite unbeknownst to Jack, Ianto had became another model. Ianto had apparently experienced immortality somehow, even if it was just for a moment, it was clearly enough. Jack chuckled ironically to himself. Immortality for a moment. There's an interesting phrase.

Jack glanced at the young man making coffee. Maybe he was immortal? Or, at the least, maybe Ianto had already lived a really, really long time? Or maybe he'd recently found out he would live for a really, really long time. Maybe he just found out he would live thousands of years, millions of years. And maybe Owen and Tosh were the first deaths he'd experienced of someone close to him since discovering he was immortal? That would explain the recent acquisition of the understanding of immortality. Or, maybe, Ianto wasn't completely human, and had lived a very long time on some other planet. Is that how he knew? Maybe Ianto had always known what immortality was like. Maybe he had already lived longer than Jack had and knew he would live much, much longer and Jack just hadn't noticed until last night.

Although, there was one tiny problem. Jack was pretty sure he'd know if Ianto was an alien.

….Of course, if Ianto was lying about being some alien, it wouldn't be the first time Ianto had kept a secret from Jack. And if Jack recalled, he'd been very good at keeping secrets in the past. And records were easy to fake. The only thing Ianto couldn't really fake were blood samples. Jack had seen Owen take the blood himself. …Of course, who filed those samples away? Ianto. Ianto could easily have swapped samples, and, and…

What did Jack really know about Ianto, anyways?


	6. Questions

-1A/N Thank you EVERYONE who's reviewed. I really, really appreciate the comments. Based on said comments, I've edited this chapter. Since there were some comments that the UK had no drive ins and that this chapter lagged, I just went ahead and solved both my problems and took out the drive in bit. Hopefully this reads better? The next chapter will be up soon, as it's mostly written already. Please continue to leave constructive criticism and comments.

Enjoy reading!!

It all started with a question.

"Hey, Ianto." Jack had said as Ianto handed him his coffee, "What year were you born again?"

"Um…1983, sir." Ianto had replied.

"Uh-huh." Jack had said skeptically.

Ianto looked at Jack a little strangely. Ever since their night on the roof and Ianto's breach in protocol, he had been trying to pretend like nothing had happened. Yesterday, it had succeeded. But, things had still been somewhat awkward between the two. Today, Jack had been oddly silent, just watching him, his eyes constantly piercing into him. So, Ianto thought it was best for all involved if he just went home.

Ianto paused for a second before he left the hub for a night. Looking at Jack, Ianto could tell, Jack clearly wanted something else from him, but he had no idea what.

"If that'll be all, sir." Ianto said.

"Ianto, what's the first song you remember listening to?" Jack asked.

"Umm…probably something by Janet Jackson ."

"No, I mean really listen to."

"Hm… That would probably be Bonnie Tyler. Holding Out for a Hero." Ianto said with a slight smile, remembering the song now. "I must have been, oh I must have been about 5 or something, but my neighbor came over one day, going on about this song and her new found love for it. Me and her danced to it about fifty times that day." Ianto laughed remembering his five year old self. "That was awhile ago, though, why do you ask?"

"No reason, Ianto." Jack said.

"Is that all?"

"Yup." Jack said.

And as Ianto walked away, he saw Jack turn to his computer, typing furiously away.

Jack watched as Ianto left, a smile playing on his lips. He typed in the afore mentioned song. Aha! It took about three seconds on Wikipedia for Jack to discover that _Holding out for a Hero _came out in 1984. Only one year after Ianto was born. There was no way that song was still a hit by 1988, Ianto and his friend should have been listening to something that they'd heard on the radio. After all, they had supposedly been little kids, and little kids don't go looking for music that came out four years previously. You listen to what's on the radio now. Which meant, that there was a chance this story was a lie. "Sloppy work, Mr. Jones" Jack thought, "sloppy work."

Ianto walked out of Jack's room, wondering as to the strange line of questioning. And he wondered if going home after that night on the roof had been the wisest decision. Because now, Jack was asking Ianto all kinds of strange questions. Like he was trying to catch him in some sort of lie. All the questions relating to his childhood, and specifically the time period Ianto was born in.

Was Jack trying to make Ianto aware that Ianto was in the time period he belonged, and Jack was not? Was Jack trying to impress upon Ianto that Jack was immortal and Ianto had no way of understanding that? If that was the case, Ianto should probably double his efforts to make sure Jack knew that Ianto understood all of the pain Jack had been through. Or rather, that he didn't understand it, that he never could understand it, and thus, he understood why Jack did what he did. Ianto sighed, 'that makes sense, I swear' he thought to himself. Ianto really could not figure out what he should be doing. All he knew for sure was that he wanted Jack to stop with the constant questions.

But they did not stop.

That day at lunch, in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation, the questions started again.

"And I just couldn't help but cry. And Amanda, my cousin, was sitting next to me, we could barely get her out of her seat she was sobbing so hard." Ianto said

"It was that good?" Gwen inquired

"Oh yeah. Very moving. I kept thinking 'why did the cook have to die' . He was just the cook. He didn't do any of the fighting. And when the kid died in those trenches. Absolutely heart breaking." Ianto elaborated.

"World War I was pretty traumatic, wasn't it, Ianto?" Jack asked abruptly making his presence known in the conversation.

Ianto just gave Jack a strange look. "I suppose for those there, yes. It was traumatic for me for about two ½ hours."

Jack took note of the strange look Ianto had given him. 'maybe he was there.' Jack thought. That face definitely looked familiar. It looked like the face Jack pulled when he would talk about historical events that he was all too familiar with.

Ianto just watched Jack fade into the background as Gwen asked another question about the play. As Ianto shifted his attention to Gwen, he silently hoped that Jack was through making it perfectly clear to Ianto just how long Jack had lived.

Jack watched Ianto talking about the play. Yes, Ianto was far to familiar with these events. And Jack was going to find out why. Jack was going to find out Ianto's secret.

Jack was going to find out the truth about Ianto Jones.


	7. Immortal

-1A/N: OK, I'm going to refrain from "warning" you guys about what I think might be wrong with this chapter, and just kindly ask for comments and constructive criticism.

One big HUGE thank you to everyone who has commented and critiqued. Thanks to nugget, to doctor who fan girl who risked spoilers to read this, laal ratty for pointing out that there are no drive in movies in Britain, Lady Analyn, Prinzessin, Luckylyn, ancient maverick, x loner, and hot flower for all their support in urging me to update and continue. It has made all the difference in the world, and this story would not have gone on without you. Thanks too all those who put the time in for con.crit, especially bbmcowgirl and boo26, and thanks to mystery poet, who helped me so much fixing the sixth chapter.

This is dedicated to putthataway

Disclaimer: no money, I swear!!

On with the story!

ENJOY!!

Chapter 7

When Ianto entered the hub that morning he was tired. No, scratch that, he was beyond tired. He was exhausted. He couldn't take one more question from Jack. Lately, Ianto had been sleeping alone. And Jack had made no protest or complaint or even request to try to change that. Ianto took that as a sign that yes, the questions were meant to push Ianto away. The questions. The tedious, horrible, gut wrenching questions. Everytime Jack asked Ianto a question, it was a very painful reminder that no matter what Ianto felt, or even what Jack felt, nothing more than sex and friendship was ever going to happen. Jack just couldn't handle the pain. Not that Ianto blamed him. He should've backed off a long time ago. But he couldn't stand the constant reminder that he had something resembling love in his hands and he was just letting it lie, doing nothing.

As Ianto saw Jack standing at the top of the stairs of the hub he hesitated before greeting him. Maybe if Ianto just went about his duties, Jack would leave him alone.

No such luck.

"Hey, Ianto!" Jack called out, "Aren't you glad they have those great new coffee makers now a days?"

"Yes, sir, it makes my job infinitely easier." Ianto resignedly replied.

"Remember when they first came out with coffee makers? " Jack asked.

That was it. Ianto turned to face Jack, placing his hands on the counter behind himself to keep himself standing. He was so very tired. And it was very early in the morning. The others wouldn't arrive for hours.

"Jack, why are you doing this?" Ianto asked in a meager and weak voice.

"Doing what?" Jack asked, completely innocent.

"The questions. What is it you want to know, Jack. What are you trying to prove? Because I've had it up to here. Just come out and say it!" Ianto part shouted; part begged. He was so exhausted, his emotions were bubbling out of him beyond his control and he didn't have the energy to stop them. This had been building up for far to long. He was sick of it.

"Nothing..I…" Jack hesitated. Would Ianto trust him enough to tell him the truth?

"What, Jack!! I can't do it. I'm sorry. I apologize, I have no idea what you go through day after day. I'll never know what it's like to be immortal, and I'm sorry I even pretended to understand even for a moment. Now I'll go now so that you may live the rest of your immortal life in peace. There. Happy now?" Ianto was ranting. He couldn't, he just couldn't. He didn't want to hurt Jack, didn't want Jack to have to suffer his death too….but….Ianto was a little selfish. He thought maybe, just maybe, Jack would let the guards down just a little, just enough to let Ianto know that if Jack could, he'd love him with everything he had.

Of course, due to the thoughts running through Ianto's head, he completely missed the blank, shocked expression Jack was wearing and the minute of silence that had passed by.

And by the time he had, it had been two minutes of silence.

Ianto had sworn he meant to storm out. But Jack just looked so confused.

"…Isn't that what you wanted?" Ianto asked

"No! …nononononoonono" Jack rushed over to Ianto, and placing his hands on Ianto's shoulders, he hurried to respond. "That's what all the questions were about, Ianto. I had to just know for myself. I wasn't sure if you'd trust me enough to tell me the truth."

Ianto was beyond confused. Hadn't Jack been torturing him with his pain and grief? And now this was about Ianto confessing something. He thought back to anything he might be hiding from Jack. Nope, no girlfriends in the basement, of that he was sure. So….

"The truth about what?" Ianto asked.

"You know." Jack said, which was completely unhelpful to Ianto.

Ianto stared at Jack's face. And that's when it dawned on him.

"You found out about my rule to never tell you." Ianto simply stated.

"Well, I didn't know you had a rule against it….that's what all the questions were, though. To find out what I'm assuming this rule was protecting." Jack said.

"It was protecting you, Jack." Ianto stated, backing away from Jack's touch the tinniest fraction of an inch.

"I know, I know it was. You didn't want me to realize what a douche I'd been." Jack said, pulling Ianto closer to him so their faces were but centimeters apart.

"A…a what? A douche? Like the American slang word?" Ianto asked wondering when exactly modern American slang had entered the conversation….it made no sense. "Jack are you feeling well?" Ianto ventured to ask.

"I feel fine, Ianto. And you should, too. You don't have to lie to me anymore, I know. I know how well you understand. That you understand too well," Jack said as he stepped closer to Ianto, tracing a finger down his cheek and letting his finger rest against the side of Ianto's face. "And you didn't want me to dwell over the people I've pushed away to protect myself. You were letting me figure it out for myself, just like you figured it out for yourself." Jack finished.

Ianto, despite his confusion, or maybe because of it, found himself leaning into Jack's touch. He looked up at Jack and put both his hands on the side of his face so that Jack could look nowhere else but directly into his eyes.

"Jack" Ianto began slowly, making sure he had the immortal man's complete attention, "what are you talking about?"

Jack smirked slightly at first, amused that Ianto was still even attempting to keep up his rouse even though Jack had caught him red handed.

But then Ianto put the smallest amount of pressure on Jack's face. And it forced Jack to look, really look at Ianto. As Jack studied the emotions raging in Ianto's eyes, Jack realized with a sharp pang that Ianto really _was_ confused. He wasn't faking. He had no clue what Jack was talking about.

Jack stepped away with a quick hiss, fiercely pulling his head from Ianto's hands and stumbling over the chair leg behind him. "Ianto, stop playing around. You know what I mean. You have to." Jack said desperately, clawing at the walls of denial, trying to keep his only hope in place.

"Jack" Ianto said very slowly hesitantly taking a cautious step towards Jack, "I really have no idea what you are trying to get at."

Jack looked towards Ianto's face, just falling short of making actual eye contact. He tried to give Ianto a devil-may-care grin, but it came out more like a grimace. "You're immortal." Jack stated nervously, looking up through his eyelashes to risk the smallest amount of eye contact.

Jack saw shock register in Ianto's face. The shock allowed Jack the smallest amount of hope that he might now get the confession he was looking for. It erased his previous fear when Ianto had been confused before. But now, now Jack had a rising feeling that he'd find out the truth, now. As Jack grew a little braver and continued to watch Ianto's reaction, he saw Ianto's shock morph into an overwhelming sadness.

"It's OK, Ianto, it means that I can be different now." Jack said, in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. But Ianto just continued to stand there looking incredibly sad, like maybe Jack had kicked his puppy.

"Ianto…" Jack started, feeling panic creeping into his gut. "Please, Ianto, say something." Jack pleaded, stepping into Ianto's personal space.

Ianto responded by pulling Jack close, embracing him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Jack" he said softly into his ear.

"It's OK, Ianto. I forgive you for lying. It's completely understandable. Goodness knows I kept it from you guys long enough." Jack reassured.

"No. Jack. That's…" Ianto sighed., and just held Jack tighter. It all made sense now. The constant questions, Jack's know-it-all attitude being in overdrive lately, everything. Jack thought Ianto was immortal, and Ianto had no idea how to bring Jack back down to reality without completely crushing the man.

Ianto reluctantly pulled away from the embrace so that he was again looking straight into Jack's eyes. Holding Jack firmly by the shoulders Ianto decided the best way to deal with the situation was just to be direct. He spoke softly, however, like one might speak to a small child or a wounded animal.

"I'm not immortal, Jack. I will die."

"Yeah, but not for a really long time, then. Like the Doctor. You've got what? A thousand years? That's plenty of time. And you won't age, will you?" Jack shot back, as though the two of them were engaged in a battle of wits.

"No, Jack" Ianto spoke carefully again. "I'm completely human, and I'm completely mortal. I will die, and I will die in this century."

"Don't say that." Jack said, with a hint of danger in his voice, backing away from Ianto. "It's not true. It can't be true." Jack continued on, backing away more. "No, you have to be immortal or something. How else…how else….no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no!" Jack chanted desperately as he backed himself right into the glass window of his office. He couldn't move anymore backwards, and Ianto had hesitantly followed him as he'd made his retreat. So,now, Jack was trapped between the window and Ianto. "No,no, no, no, no, it's not true." Jack continued to chant while desperately looking for a way out, realizing there was none. Jack had no choice but to slide down the glass, tucking his knees into his stomach, just sitting there, chanting "no."

Ianto's heart practically broke as he knelt in front of Jack.

"Jack. Please, shh…It's OK." Ianto said, running his hands through Jack's hair in a comforting gesture.

"How? Please, Ianto, tell me you'll live longer. You have to… how else could you understand?" Jack pleaded.

"Understand what, Jack?" Ianto asked.

"You knew. When we talked on the roof, you knew what it was like, to watch, to watch them age and die." Jack said.

Ianto searched Jack's face for a minute or so before he came up with an answer for Jack. Maylin. Jack didn't know about her.

"Jack, I…there was a woman. I met her as a girl, she, I watched her grow old and die, yes, Jack. But, she only lived for a few months or so. That's…if….if I understand what you're going through at all, Jack, it's because of one woman. That's all." Ianto explained.

"But…but with Tosh and Owen, you seemed to know…" Jack tried to defend, quite childishly. Like a child who had just been told Santa wasn't real, but not yet ready to give up the magical belief.

"I know what it is to lose someone, yes." Ianto simply replied.

"But you have to be…you have to be, you can't just be a normal human. You, Ianto, you HAVE to be…" Jack trailed off, finally giving into what he knew to be the truth. Ianto was human. He was mortal. He was going to lose him.

Ianto watched silently as Jack dissolved into tears. Not knowing what else to do, he simply held the older man and rocked him.

"Ianto." Jack said after an indeterminable amount of time. "What will I do without you? When you go? How can I do it again? And whoever, however…How can I keep doing this?" Jack asked full of vulnerability and what appeared to Ianto to truly be a sense of innocence. Jack just seemed so lost.

"You," Ianto started, "Will move on. You will find someone else, there will be someone else. They will make you happy for a while, and then you will find someone else to replace them. Just like you'll replace me."

"Don't want to replace you." Jack said.

"Then there will be someone else to keep you company, to keep you happy, to ward off the feelings of loss and loneliness." Ianto said a little more firmly.

"I can't lose you. I can't lose anymore. I can't do it." Jack protested.

"Yes, you can." Ianto reaffirmed.

"How can I handle your death? What do I do when you die." Jack asked again.

"You-"

Lie to me." He whispered desperately.

Ianto paused for only a fraction of a second.

"You won't have to, Jack. I'm going to live forever. I'll always be with you." Ianto lied, pulling Jack closer to him.

Jack just cried silently into Ianto's shoulder. Knowing it wasn't true.

Fin.


End file.
